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IT'S WAR!
At approximately 14:53 Thursday afternoon the office conflict that has been raging in cubicles beyond the southern partition finally struck into our heartland. For nearly a week we have tolerated the whizz of rubber bands overhead, the cries of "ow, my eye!" beyond the cubicle partition. We've accepted that strategic-range rubber bands shot over our territory towards our neighbors to the west had to fly over our territory, and some have landed in our midst--on the monitor, on the microtower, even in the middle of Shelftop Air Force Base. All of these dangerous weapons of mass distraction had to be dealt with by the brave man of the Expended Rubber Band Reclamation and Disposal Squadron, and yet we stood our ground. Even Lord Plush Computer Cthulu was hit in an errant attack from the southern barbarians, and still we remained isolationist.
As of 14:55 today, that state ended. Supreme Engineering Technician IV Timothy Cooper and the Armed Forces of the Republic of 252B-1 immediately sought out those responsible for an unprovoked attack on the person of the SET4 himself, one he narrowly escaped with only a minimal graze to the top of his hair. Upon identifying the rogue party responsible, the SET4 declared that "this unprovoked aggression against us will not be tolerated, and our retaliation will be swift." Immediately thereafter the Strategic Rubber Band Attack Corps sprang into action, launching only one of its growing stockpile of strategic rubber-bands into the heart of 251B-1. Our counterattack was complete and flawless, devastating the enemy. The only response of 251B-1's Premier was "augh, right in the eye!"
Right in the eye he'll have it again, if our boys have anything to say about it. The First Robot Toy Army of a Warhammer in winter camouflage and a Generation 2 Jetfire stand on alert, protecting the First Paper Airplane Squadron at Shelftop Air Force Base. We have giant robot and paper airplane superiority against the foe, and our stance has been made clear: any attack on the officiopolitical interests of the Republic of 252B-1 will be responded with not just with matching force, but overwelming force. Try as they might, they will never have our High-Backed Ergonomic Chair nor besmirch our honor with such sneak attacks. We will press the enemy on all sides with all our might, from the hallway, from over the partition, from the air. We will not stop until we truly have regained peace in our time.
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